Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
