How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
