I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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