Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
