I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
