I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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