I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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