My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
