no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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