wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
