i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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