mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
