Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
