i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
