I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
