i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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