In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
