no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
