Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
