she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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