I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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