So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
