On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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