I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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