I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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