i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
