And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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