He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
