is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
