I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
