There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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