Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
