Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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