I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
