You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
