We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
