I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
