I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
