Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
