That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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