Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
