my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
