I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
