He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
