Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
