i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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