She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
