So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
