i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
