Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i love accidental penises.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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