Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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