yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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