Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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