my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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