i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
