and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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