dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
