mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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