that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
