I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
