LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is my gift to your gina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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