dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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