Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
