I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
