What did we do last night that was yellow?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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