I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
