He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
