you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
