He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
