Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
