Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
