Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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