He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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