next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
