i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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