what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
did i walk over a car last night?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
