Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
