so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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