last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
