Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
