she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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