I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
