We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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