So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
