Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to sanitize my soul.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
