did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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