By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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