I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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