filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
