sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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