Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
