Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
