I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize